Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
