His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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