Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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