I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
