Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
