I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
