Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize