i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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