I just made out with a guy for $7.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
