Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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