i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
