don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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