Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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