took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
