I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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