whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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