Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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