do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
