He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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