their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When are your genitals available?
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