bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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