it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
