There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
