Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
