so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
