We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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