Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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