when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We're too hungover to prance.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
