Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize