I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sex in the backyard? Check.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
