I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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