You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish I only lived at night.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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