Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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