There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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