I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
