While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize