I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
