dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
