No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
