You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
