I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
