You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
