actually, I'm a sock model
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
