Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
