If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
