Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
