This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
