God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
