Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize