I think im going to throw up on grandma
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
