Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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