My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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