I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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