Tell her she can't have a vagina
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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