I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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