I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
