plz talk dirty to me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
