at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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