i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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