My room smells like vodka and shame
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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