Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
