Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
