she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
