she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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