another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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